Single File

by Guest Author

So you are finally feeling a little more settled in Australia, you arrived a while back, you have place to stay, access to transport and are slowly building that circle of friends. Sure there is still a long way to go and you are accepting of that, but things would definitely feel a little more balanced if you had someone special in your life.

Being single in Oz as a Southern Africa male is a very scary experience. And from the chats and feedback I have had it would seem the same is true for single Southern Africa women.

My own experiences have left me wondering what the hell I was thinking when I split up with my then partner (five years ago). I have likened the Aussie girls I have met to Australias beautiful selection of parrots; beautiful to look at, but when they open their mouths their squawk or screech sends me running for the hills.

I am certainly no angel and have been accused of having the odd attack of potty mouth, but I have been turned the colour of a freshly boiled lobster so regularly by these Ozzetts I now look like someone with permanent sunburn. They open their mouths to speak and my eyes close involuntary and my ears fall flat against the sides of my head like a cat waiting to be smacked for peeing on the carpet trying desperately to avoid the colourful language about to lash my ears and burn my mind. My jaw clenches up and I can hear the cash register of my dentist ringing as he replaces yet another cracked molar.

Now I know that out there somewhere is that perfect partner for us all, but we need to be out there to meet them. Hiding in my apartment waiting for them to ring the doorbell doesnt work. Where exactly out there is thus far remains a mystery to me. One would think, reading this, I have been searching for my out there in the deepest darkest alleys in the dodgiest part of town. Not so I am from Joburg and know nothing good comes out of deep dark alleys. I have been to bars, clubs, social gatherings, dating websites, sporting events and on numerous blind dates during many of which I wished I was, in fact, blind and deaf as that would have been a blessing.

I am well aware as a Southern African male; that our species have had a very easy home life. And we are not the first choice in target acquisition category for that perfect partner. Generally we dont cook, cant iron, all have bad back problems prohibiting us from picking up that wet towel and have seen the white box that is a washing machine, but it may as well be a gynecological chair something we have heard about, but have never had to use.

Moving countries must be very stressful on a couple, add a few kids into the equation, no hired help, no family support structure and you have a perfect recipe for creating more single people in Australia. And while I dont completely blame the lesser helpful Southern African male for the increasing rate of expat singles, they are a weighty contributing factor.

So my advice to myself is as follows: Stay positive, be open to possibilities, hope is a fantastic motivator and keep a pair of earplugs handy.

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